Yes, the world is still falling apart. The U.S. began ground strikes on Libya and Japan is still counting its dead. So why was so much of my angst this weekend focused on my inability to stop eating Thin Mints?
Luckily, we only had one box. But I must have eaten a dozen, at 40 calories apiece, before it occurred to me to brush my teeth as a strategy to stop cramming them into my mouth. That’s 480 calories that of course I didn’t need, especially at a time when I am supposedly trying to lose weight. And 11 cookies that tasted identical to the first. Oh, the self loathing!
But this is what it’s like to be an American in the 21st century. There are the beautiful thin people all over TV and film, who make us feel bulky and inadequate. And on the other hand, temptations … Christmas, Thanksgiving, dinner parties, hand-passed hors d’oeuvre, new restaurants to try out and of course Girl Scout cookies.
Even if I had the metabolism of a hummingbird, I’d think there was a special circle of hell reserved for the Girl Scouts of America, for turning sweet little girls into an unpaid sales force of empty calories. Because who but a cretin could turn down the darling pig-tailed creature who rings your doorbell with form in hand, mother protectively at the curb? And who, in the parlance of the official Girl Scout FAQ, “closes the sale.” And close the sale she does, too!
But it is the self loathing that is important to The Angst Report. Because this is a daily war, a constant battle of will. Temptation is set in my path. It snags me. And then I hate myself. The same culture that insists I be thin continuously tempts me with treats that will make me fat.
It seems like a silly thing to talk about, let alone write about, but a $35 billion diet industry indicates that I am hardly alone.